Thursday, November 29, 2012

Dealing with the unknown

The epic Love Advice Post! Part 1 dealing with the unknown.

by Amanda Cooper on Tuesday, October 30, 2012 at 2:07pm ·
I don't even know how to start this out. Love advice is so different for everyone. What may work for you may not work for someone else and vice versa. As a psychic medium I do readings on a daily basis and I am not even kidding you nearly 90 percent of the work I do ends up tapping into a relationship, a past relationship, or even a potential future relationship. Most of us want to find companionship and even more of us struggle to not only find a good partner but keep them! I suppose I will write the best advice my guides and the guides of others have given, to get anyone through their particular relationship or love struggle.

The number one question asked by customers on a psychic network or even clients I work with privately when it comes to love is “Will they be back in my life?” This often pertains to an ex or someone the client has connected with but for some reason the relationship has ended or is not on track. Here is what I want to say about that on a psychic level. YES I can see if that person will be back in your life or if you chose to write them in as a significant portion of your life path. It is my belief we write out a rough draft of our lives here on earth and we write in all of the struggles and certain people that are important. However we also have free will in that we can alter our path, take another route, end a relationship that was meant to last for life opening up a new path or lesson. Basically nothing is set in stone, however its usually pretty obvious and easy to predict when someone will come back into the picture. So if I tell a person that “yes so and so will be back” they immediately want to know what to do in the meantime and here is where my first part of advice comes into play.

Many guides have said this to me in one way or another so I am going to spell it out as best as I can. No matter what is meant to happen in the future (even if your ex is predicted to make contact in a few days) the current moment is yours. Yes when you are in love with someone and miss them its hard to focus on much else but you have to. You have to understand that love is one of the many struggles and joys we choose to experience in this world. There is so much more.

Don't spend your entire day thinking about your ex, wondering when he/she will text, and obsessing over what to do once and if they do reach out. Focus on the moment you are in and what you need to do in your own life. This seems like such basic advice but its hard sometimes to allow us to enjoy the moment we are in. People worry so much about the what ifs that they waste precious “alone” time obsessing! Understand that relationships are wonderful but they are also a lot of work. Your guides and friends and family will support you through the transition (of being with this person to not) but in the meantime enjoy the fact that you are alone and in control. For instance I had a 20 year old girl on the phone once crying because her boyfriend had ended things abruptly. Her guides immediately came through and showed that they would marry and eventually even have children, there path was not over and the break was a small one. Instead of taking the time apart (they were broken up for 3 months before he got over his fear and they moved in together) to reflect and enjoy her own life she focused on him and waited. I don't know about you but I could think of better ways to spend those three months on my own! A favorite “line” I give people is “Its going to happen no matter what you do in the meantime so that time is up to you!”

All of that focus and energy has to do something right? It should inevitably cause our ex to pick up on our love and devotion and they will come back sooner right? If I text them just once a day they will still know I am available or here right? If I dont hear from them in a few days I need to make contact so they don't forget me. I need to get my feelings out so I'm going to call. They still aren't writing me back or worse I got a one word text saying hey. What does that mean? Does they even care about me at all? I'm so angry I'm going to flip out on them, screw them for leaving me. Does all of this sound familiar? Admit it, we've all been there. Thinking if we just heard their voice or got the right text we'd feel better. And guess what hypothetical person above all of that focus and energy DOES do something it pushes them further away!

Second piece of advice is a hard one to swallow. At some point its time to leave our ex alone. At some point we need to allow the new person we just started dating to take initiative on their own and step back and frankly it sucks. I have noticed through the countless readings I have conducted most of us have a need to be in control, we don't like when things go a way that we did not expect and if a new relationship is plugging along beautifully and suddenly stalls out we wonder whats gone wrong? There is something you need to know. YOU will know if a relationship has gone bad believe me you will. We are all intuitive in our own way so please if your relationship is in big trouble on some basic human level you will know it in your gut. If you aren't sure whats wrong this is a dangerous place to be because if you allow yourself to its very easy to get worked out and worried over nothing.

When a person pulls back or ends a relationship its often easy for me to see why when I tap in. And believe it or not its often not even connected to the relationship itself but all of the external stressors in their life. Some people have a hard time balancing work and love or family and love or life and love and some view love as something to be reserved for when things are going well. Sometimes love does falter or we make huge mistakes in our relationships and say terrible things in anger, all of this can cause a person to pull back. Sometimes when a relationship is new the person may be holding back to maintain a slower pace for fear of getting too serious.

There are so many different actual reasons than the ones we come up with. Its easier to say “They don't love me! They found someone else” Than to realize that we are not the number one focus in their lives and they simply need time away from us to figure out what they want. Some people take longer than others to figure it out. It all boils down to what YOU want. Are you willing to wait for this person to figure out what they want? If so move on with your life and if they want to contact you they will! Are you not willing to wait? Write them an email expressing your feelings and wish them well in their future. Either way once you make your choice you must leave them alone. This will be really hard to do believe me. But like anything else (quitting smoking, changing eating habits etc) it can be done with determination, focus, and a little old fashioned willpower.

This post has been geared a lot towards people that are broken up or in between relationships. I plan to write others focused on marriage, current relationships, etc but this was just a general jumping point.

I personally adore the author Eckhart tolle if you can get into his books they are pretty fascinating and the guides tend to veer in his direction in regard to advice. Love to Tolle, is a byproduct of the ego and relationships are often destroyed due to the ego and our wanting to get something specific from our partner and not getting that. I will conclude with something he says about love.

“The object of love is interchangeable, as interchangeable as the object of egoic wanting. Some people go through many relationships. They fall in love and out of love many times. They love a person for a while until it doesn’t work anymore, because no person can permanently cover up that pain.
Only surrender can give you what you were looking for in the object of your love. The ego says surrender is not necessary because I love this person. It’s an unconscious process of course. The moment you accept completely what is, something inside you emerges that had been covered up by egoic wanting. It is an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself. When that happens, a completely different kind of love is present which is not subject to love / hate. It doesn’t single out one thing or person as special. It’s absurd to even use the same word for it. Now it can happen that even in a normal love / hate relationship, occasionally, you enter the state of surrender. Temporarily, briefly, it happens: you experience a deeper universal love and a complete acceptance that can sometimes shine through, even in an otherwise egoic relationship. If surrender is not sustained, however, it gets covered up again with the old egoic patterns. So, I’m not saying that the deeper, true love cannot be present occasionally, even in a normal love / hate relationship. But it is rare and usually short-lived.
Whenever you accept what is, something deeper emerges than what is. So, you can be trapped in the most painful dilemma, external or internal, the most painful feelings or situation, and the moment you accept what is, you go beyond it, you transcend it. Even if you feel hatred, the moment you accept that this is what you feel, you transcend it. It may still be there, but suddenly you are at a deeper place where it doesn’t matter that much anymore.
The entire phenomenal universe exists because of the tension between the opposites. Hot and cold, growth and decay, gain and loss, success and failure, the polarities that are part of existence, and of course part of every relationship.

Love him.

1 comment:

  1. That was a really insightful post Amanda, Thanks for taking the effort to write it out.

    When i was going through your post i remember one piece of advice you had given me during one of your excellent readings, the advice was to pull back from focusing too much on the situation or the outcome and that advice worked for me.

    Its awesome that you have decided to blog, looking forward to your posts

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